geno needed a designated driver for the bullpen car

Bud Light Softball Tips...

Men who don't enjoy a few drinks when they play softball are kidding themselves.  The only reason that a melon sized ball is lobbed underhand is to remove all skill from the game.  The two major differences between men and women's softball is that one is played by wanna be athletes with large breasts, and the other is played by women.  If you were an actual athlete you'd be in Mexico with Barry bond buying horse steroids.  So relax, grab some friends and head to the diamond with a cooler of Bud Light and these tips to help your beer at any position...

xoxo~ g 

   the MVP choice was unanimous...

The Dugout/Bench 

You'll spend half the game by the cooler so you should find a Bud Light as easy to come by as a crying girl at a sorority mixer.  Be sure to scold idiots wasting precious cooler space with "Lab-tested" sports drinks.  Bring fitness to softball is like bringing your fiancé to your bachelor party...

Bubba saved his sleeved shirt for court appearances

Catcher 

Ironically, this position is played by the person on the team who is worst at just that... catching... it's like having a pilot nicknamed crash. The only reason your playing is because someone  had a wedding or couldn't get a sitter so don't kid or exert yourself.  Grab two Bud Lights and head out to your position with a bushel. If your smart, you'll bring a lawn chair too... squatting for ten minutes at a time is for yoga freaks and people trying to break into the adult film industry... 

Nothing ever got between Carla's legs...

The Umpire 

If you have zero athletic ability but a yearning for for sweaty men in sleeveless shirts then umpire is the gig for you.  But  entertain yourself...since every over-hyped macho idiot will question your call, give 'em something to whine about by slamming down some Bud Light before every close call and make the call as if asking a question. While they're bordering on heart attack, impress the ladies by adjusting yourself  and complaining "i think i need a bigger ball bag."